My Rebuttal


Last weekend, the Austin American-Statesman posted this blog on Facebook about finding love in Austin:

Single women are likely to find a marriage-material man in Austin — but single guys aren’t as lucky

After reading it, I was left confused and irritated. This is my rebuttal I sent to them, challenging their views.


Dear Katey Psencik and Austin American-Statesman,

As a local blogger about the single life in Austin, Texas, I am compelled to challenge your recent blog “Single women are likely to find a marriage-material man in Austin – but single guys aren’t as lucky” about finding love in Austin. I myself am a 31-year-old single female Austinite, and have been looking for love in the city since 2007. Sure, I’ve dated a few men, and have even had two serious relationships in my early to mid-twenties, but now, as a single woman in her 30’s, I am finding it harder and harder to find my “Mr. Right”.

My first issue with this article is that it completely contradicts itself. If women outnumber the men, and there are more “marriage material” men than women, how is it easier for women to find love than men? Wouldn’t this make it more difficult for a woman to find a man that would be mutually interested? According to your article, men have more women to choose from, so wouldn’t they be more likely to find love? It just isn’t adding up. How are women more likely when they are outnumbered and constantly competing against all the other beautiful, single women in the city?

Like many women in Austin, I am attractive, successful, intelligent, and well-spoken. In short, I AM that marriage material woman in Austin, Texas you speak of. So why haven’t I been able to find forever love? According to your article, I should be considered a unicorn among the women in this city, and since the stats show that there is a shortage of my kind here, all the single men should be fighting over me.

Here’s the thing: Yes, there are a plethora of attractive, successful bachelors in their 30’s in Austin, but the majority of these “marriage material” single men are Peter Pans. They work hard, play even harder, and take advantage of the fact that they’re outnumbered by beautiful, single women (marriage material or not). They know they have options, and they’ll be damned if they let themselves “settle down” without exploring those options and casually dating first. With the active nightlife, limitless outdoor activities, hook-up apps, and countless single women, they are just kids in a candy store. With that being said, now who is lucky in Austin, the men or the women? I say the men. If you need further research about the Peter Pan syndrome (not only in Austin, but all over the U.S.), just read Michael Kimmel’s Guyland, a book about this growing epidemic among our eligible bachelors. Men have it made. They don’t have any plans of settling down, at least anytime soon, and have a chance around every corner to meet amazing women, each one more beautiful than the next.

To add to my point, you reference that the “woman of your dreams is in her 40s, has at least a graduate degree, works at least 40 hours a week and may have been married before (but you don’t mind).” This even further proves my point about the Peter Pan Syndrome. Men are no longer looking to settle down early, have children, and be family oriented. They want to be free, have their cake and eat it, too. The women in their 40s are more sought after now because that’s when men are finally ready for some type of commitment – in their 40s. By this time, most women have either had all the children they are going to have and also it is now becoming even more normal for women to not want to have kids at all, and by their 40s this decision is pretty much set in stone. Now the man knows that he won’t be tied down with the 18+ year responsibility of raising a child, so these women are more appealing since they can maintain some type of freedom.

As far as Mark Uh’s article that you reference, “Where to Live and Let Love Find You”, this article is worthless. Where did Mark get these stats, and did he even care to do research beyond just typing “men to women ratios in U.S. cities” in google search? This is uninformative and, in my opinion, lazy journalism. Just because someone is single doesn’t mean that they are actively looking for a relationship and wanting commitment. It is filling singles with misinformation and misleading hope that they will quickly find true love among these single men and women in the cities referenced. Just look at your responses that you received on the blog that was posted on Facebook. The comments are filled with single women responding about their lack of success finding true love in Austin.

So, my question to you and your readers that have found love in Austin is this: Where do we meet these eligible bachelors you speak of who are actually looking for commitment? In the bars? No. On dating apps, such as the ever-so-popular Bumble and Tinder? Hell no. At the gym? Running Town Lake? Playing with our dogs at Auditorium Shores? At a concert? If you know where these unicorn men are hiding, please share with the rest of us.



Alexandra Barnes, Single Woman in Austin



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