It’s Not Me, It’s You

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I am burnt out from the dating apps. Goodbye Tinder and Bumble, I’m breaking up with you. It’s not me, it’s you. These apps have left me still single, disappointed, and wondering why I joined them in the first place. Yes, it was entertaining swiping through profiles, but this fast-paced environment led to even more callous men and lack-luster dates. The majority of the men on these apps are “Peter Pans” who are looking for short term relationships, visiting from out of town and just looking for a hookup, or are new to town and “looking for someone to show them around the city”. Some of them are even in relationships and still have a profile out there and don’t actually use the app anymore. For my guy friends out there that have entered into a relationship in oh let’s say the past year, yes, your profile is still out there and viewable even if you’ve deleted the app, and if your new girlfriend has a girl friend on there, she might find out about it.

One of the most frustrating things about these apps was that the guys were usually completely misrepresenting themselves on the app. I’m a smart girl; I don’t agree to go out with a guy until I’ve done my research on him. This usually means Facebook stalking him for a bit. Facebook recently updated their search engine so now you can filter your search even further down to the city someone lives in, where they went to college, and even where they are currently employed. Thank you, Facebook, you have made stalking strangers that much easier! Luckily, all this information is usually (if accurate) listed on their dating profile, making this search a lot faster.

I decided to take this pseudo-stalker approach after the date I went on with The Poser from my blog The Dating Game Part II. He did not look anything like his profile pictures (I didn’t even recognize him when I walked up) and he completely misrepresented himself in his “about me” section. After this horrible date, I made a promise to myself that I would do my due diligence from then on before I went on another date like that one, and I am so glad I did.

It’s not just far away photos, sunglasses, and hats/hoodies that are deceiving, it’s also pixels and angles. I mean, come on, whose photos are pixilated anymore? With all the recent technology upgrades, no recent photos have distortions from pixilation. That’s a big red flag if you see a photo like this. It has either been edited, or it’s from at least five, maybe even ten years ago. Thanks to Google and Facebook, I saved myself from going on at least three more dates with a person that was completely misrepresenting themselves. I know looks aren’t everything, but if someone is blatantly deceiving you about something as basic as the way they look, what else could they possibly lie to you about? I don’t trust anyone who would take this sly approach.

So where does this leave me? Well, I’m going back to my comfort zone of being friends with someone first and getting to know them before a relationship forms, but I’m also going to do some trial and errors with other means of meeting men and see what happens. The best thing for me to do right now is to keep putting myself out there, be true to myself and my values, and change up my routine a little and how I’m meeting people. My first step: joining actual dating websites.

First up, OK Cupid.

Now I admit, the title of this one is pretty lame, but my sister said that one of her friends met her husband on this site and another one is in a serious relationship with a man she met here. So, why not? It’s free to join and search, and just like all of the websites there are upgrades you can purchase for “extras” such as being able to see who has viewed your profile and also seeing who has read your messages.

My first impression of this site is that it’s very user-friendly. My profile was extremely easy to set up and it wasn’t very time-consuming. Unlike the dating apps, this website asks you a series of questions about your beliefs on love, religion, politics, alcohol, drugs, kids, etc. and uses that information to calculate your match rate with other users. The more questions you answer the more “accurate” your match rate is. Your profile is made up of 8 categories:

  1. My Self-Summary
  2. What I’m doing with my life
  3. I’m really good at…
  4. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
  5. The six things I could never do without
  6. I spend a lot of time thinking about…
  7. On a typical Friday night I am…
  8. You should message me if…

Then it has you pick out some pictures of yourself to add to your profile, attempting to accurately represent who you are.

I joined this website around 4pm on a Sunday afternoon, and in 24 hours I had over 30 messages, 272 “likes”, and 269 views (which I haven’t figured out how I can have more likes than views, but who’s paying that much attention to the numbers anyway). The messages were made up of cheesy one-liners like “hey there beautiful”, “you’re gorgeous”, “here’s my number, call me beautiful”, or the boring “how’s your day going?”. Typical to all dating websites, and from the looks of things so far, I’m going to have to weed out the creeps and weirdos to get to some decent men. I’m just hoping that this won’t be like Plenty of Fish, which was FULL of creepers. So, to be continued for now…

Next, MeetUp

This is an app/website that I’ve experimented with a bit in the past. It’s a friendlier environment and you have to ability to get out in safer group settings and meet people. All the MeetUp groups are catered towards hobbies and interests that you like, and people form groups to attract friends (and possibly love interests) who have the same hobbies. These groups are for an extremely wide variety of things, all the way from “Singles in their 30’s” to “Meet Up for Spanish Conversation”. You can literally pick any hobby or interest that you may have, and there is a MeetUp group of people for that. There are even groups strictly for networking to either further your career, gain new clients, or meet people in your same industry.

You can search for groups, or you can view a calendar of upcoming events for all the groups in your area. If you chose to join a group that interests you, you will receive email updates from them as they create new events. I like just going to the calendar and looking to see what is happening on a weekly basis and going from there because as you’re searching through different groups, you’ll find that some groups don’t meet on a regular basis, whereas others may meet weekly or bi-weekly.

The first MeetUp that caught my attention was “Annual Anti-Valentine’s Day Party!” at Kung Fu on Rock Rose, on Valentine’s Day. Full disclosure: I hate Valentine’s Day; not because I’m “single and bitter”, but because it is the most commercialized holiday that was basically created by Hallmark and the candy companies to make a shit ton of money off love-obsessed suckers. On this night every year, restaurants reservations are booked, a plethora of chocolate, champagne, and strawberries are consumed, and this is the only time of year where it is considered acceptable to give a grown person a stuffed animal (that will inevitably either go in the trash or be put in a closet somewhere).

In my opinion, this is a gross waste of money. I would rather celebrate something that is extremely more meaningful, like an anniversary, than celebrate my “unique romance” on the same day as everyone else in the world. Plus, why must we reserve only one day a year to spruce up the romance in our relationships?  I am an avid believer in doing romantic acts for your significant other spontaneously throughout your relationship to keep things exciting and demonstrate how much you care for them. These random acts of romance are way more meaningful than reserving only one, over-commercialized night a year.

Ok, enough with my anti-Valentine’s Day rant, and back to the MeetUp. This event peaked my interest because I knew there would be single Valentine’s Day haters just like myself there to meet new people and escape all the love-struck couples. I’ll be attending this event either solo or with a couple single friends on February 14th, and will provide a recap of my night in a new blog later this week. To be continued…

 

“If you want something in your life you’ve never had, you’ll have to do something you’ve never done.”

 

 

 

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