Swipe Right or Left?

its-a-match

Match.com, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and Bumble: different names, same profiles and stereotypes. While Match and eHarmony allow you to create an in-depth profile to express your interests and desires, the fast-paced, superficial apps like Tinder and Bumble are taking over. These new apps make dating seem like a game (which I guess it is). A profile pops up and if you’re attracted to the person you swipe right, if not you swipe left. The younger generations (and dare I say Millennials) are very quick to judge books by their covers and make snap decisions before getting to know someone on a deeper level. Because of this phenomenon, it is crucial to put your best foot forward and attempt to show who you are through photos and a short bio. What are interesting though are the different opinions about what is and is not attractive, and the photo choices that people post on these websites. The more I play around with Bumble and Tinder, the more I see repeats of the same types of men over and over again. So let’s dive right in:

 

The “Look, Here’s Me with a Baby/Child/Puppy” Guy

First, the man holding a baby/child: Why do guys that don’t have children post these? If it’s not your kid it just gives off the assumption that you have children unless you specify otherwise in the comments. Do men really think if women see them with a child this makes them more attractive? Maybe, but it doesn’t work on me. I would NEVER want a picture of my child on a dating profile that wasn’t my own, and what is this trying to show? “Look, I’m good with children” or “this could be your child someday”? Please. Stop. It’s just creepy. Similar to men with babies, it is no secret that women are drawn to cute animals and men use this weakness to attract women. I have had guy friends borrow other people’s dogs to pick up women, and it actually does work. Come on guys, this is just cruel trickery.

man-with-puppy

 

The “Look What I Killed” Guy

This guy either hunts or fishes and he’s damn proud of it. Alright, I get it, I’ve been hunting before and the majority of my friends love to hunt, but when I’m swiping through photos and come across a bloody, mutilated, dead animal that you’re proudly holding up this doesn’t make me swoon. Hunt all you want, more power to you, but I’m sure most women would agree with me that these pictures don’t make them any more attracted to you.

deer

 

The “I Can’t Find My Shirt” Guy

Ok, we get the picture. You’re attractive, fit, healthy, and love to show off your body, but do you own a shirt? It’s nice to look at, don’t get me wrong, but it just makes you look really conceited and like a total player. When I see nothing but shirtless photos it’s an immediate *swipe left*. But I guess keep it up if this attracts superficial girls who are just looking to hook-up.

facebook-online-photos-shirtless-encouragement-ecards-someecards

 

The “Guess Who I Am” Guy

This guy posts plenty of pictures, but in every picture he’s in a group of people. So, which one are you? Are you trying to be mysterious? I guess it is working because I’m wondering which one you are, but that’s an immediate *swipe left*.

tinder2

 

The “I’m a Professional Model” Guy

OK, how do so many guys out there have “ridiculously good-looking”, professional photos of them? A lot of them look like they could be in GQ or a travel magazine. My little iPhone 7 camera doesn’t hold a candle to the quality of these pictures. Maybe I need to step up my photography and/or filter game…

Zoolander 2 At The Paris Fashion Week

 

The “Selfie” Guy

This guy is lying shirtless in bed with one arm behind his head. Are you trying to get me to picture you in bed?  Other times he sees himself in the mirror (whether it is at the gym, at home in his bathroom, or maybe he just couldn’t resist his reflection in that elevator) and thinks, “Damn, I look good. Better snap a selfie”. Or maybe he’s in the car. Why is this even a thing? Are people just bored at stoplights and see their reflection in the rear-view mirror and think, “man, this seat belt looks good on me”? Hopefully your car isn’t in motion when you snap this shot. Can we please just stop with the narcissistic selfies already? *swipe left*

8546-funny-selfie-picture-man-mirror-wallpaper-540x608

 

The “Come Hither” Guy

This guy is either raising a glass of wine, holding out a rose, or sitting at a romantic dinner table with an extra setting… for you.

wine-and-rose

 

The “Class Clown” Guy

This is actually one of my favorites. I love a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously and has a great sense of humor. It shows that you’re not afraid of making a fool of yourself and know how to let loose and have a good time. I love to laugh and if a guy’s humor comes across in his photos: *swipe right*

clown

 

The “World Traveler Guy”

Peru, Thailand, Paris, Alaska; this guy is in a different country in every photo. This is actually one of the good ones, too. I like a well-traveled man.

05192016121642-home-in-machupicchu

 

The “S&M” Guy/Couple

*Insert shocked emoji here* I seriously can’t believe how many of these profiles I come across. These men are either looking for their “submissive” or it’s a couple with an open relationship looking for a third. Wow, there are some freaky people out there… but I guess to each their own!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

The “Blank Profile” Guy

This is the creepiest of them all: the profile with no picture or bio and is just a silhouette of a man. This means he wants to peruse through profiles without people knowing who he is. Is this guy married? Is he a predator? Alien, vampire, or maybe even a zombie? Any time I see this profile pop up it deeply disturbs me.

blank

 

In closing…

In all seriousness, thank you to these guys out there. You definitely have provided me (and I’m sure plenty of others) with hours of entertainment. Keep up the good work. However, to all the men out there, I have to ask you: What possesses you all to post some of these photos, and do they really work? Also, I’m sure all of the women out there would love to hear some examples of women’s profile pictures you see on these apps, so please comment with your opinions and findings below!

 

One thought on “Swipe Right or Left?

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